Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
