Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
