he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
