I have demons in me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
