Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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