Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
