Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
