I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
