man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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