come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
