I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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