my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
