one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
