if only i could text you this smell
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
