Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
