I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You left your phone here
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