At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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