Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so let's talk penis.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
