i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
