You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
