can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize