you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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