Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
