I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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