Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
