I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
