drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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