Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
