She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
