i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
either way he was missing a nipple.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
