I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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