You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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