My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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