i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
