Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
