Hey man sorry I got all grabby
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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