I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
