I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
