wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
