I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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