Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
