genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Floor bacon is actually really good
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
