Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
