the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
