so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
