my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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