Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
