I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
