haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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