Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
