its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
