go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
