Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
