I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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