His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
