Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
