I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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