I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
