I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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