i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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